Now, what you are about to read is what actually happened. Shaun will be writing his own account of the day as Part III but, my guess is that this is the point where the two stories will take divergent paths. However, this is the way things went down.
We arrived at Pat Pong and started at one of the quieter streets, (one of the “gay” streets). We sat at one of the many bars and had a beer or two. Shaun mentioned that he thought that it was somehow wrong to be in Bangkok and not check out the “Ping Pong” show. I have to say that he has a point because the first question most people ask when they’ve heard that you were in Bangkok is, “Did you see the Ping Pong show?”
Although I have been to this area many many times, Rebecca drew the line at human exploitation and we never saw any of the shows. In retrospect, she was right.
Shaun and I agreed that we would have a couple more drinks and go check it out. We moved over to Happy Happy Bar and Restaurant for more beer and some courage and by about 10:00 PM we were ready to go. Shaun wanted to be really ready so he ordered a big shot of Whiskey before paying the bill.
With his liquid courage in his gut we walked to the main street and tried to make a decision as to which of the shows we would see. As far as I was concerned, there was only one choice…….”Super Pu**y.” After all, it’s Super!
We went up the stairs to find an incredibly seedy black room lit by blacklights and painted with fluorescent drawings of Karma Sutra figures. There was a central bar with a stage. On the stage were 5 or 6 Thai girls in various stages of undress. It’s fair to say that these girls were not the most beautiful in Thailand. In fact, they were the only fat people we had seen since arriving here.
As is the norm, we were immediately set upon by working “girls” who began to touch us very inappropriately. The waiter brought over small glasses of cola for them because that’s part of the scam – they get you to buy “drinks” for the girls. I took care of that quickly by pushing the colas away and telling the waiter in no uncertain terms that we weren’t buying drinks for anyone. I then made it very clear to the “girls” that I was married and uninterested. My tone made it clear that I wanted no part of them and they did the unthinkable and left me alone. For the remainder of our time there, anytime one would approach me they would be warned off by the others.
Shaun, on the other hand, did not fare so well. You see, Shaun is a sweet guy. He can’t muster the nastiness necessary to make “no” really sound like no, which is a problem if you really mean no because they think you’re shy and really mean YES!
There were four of them and they were relentless. They were touching him in places that I can’t mention here and massaging his back while trying to get him to negotiate for services that he didn’t want. He begged for mercy but they continued. He told them he was gay but that only brought the offer of a private lesbian show. The more he protested, the more they dug in and went for the kill.
By now, the worst place I had ever been was becoming one of the funniest nights I’ve ever had. When Shaun finally begged me for help, I did the only thing a friend does – I told the girls he was straight, worked in the movies and was personal friends with Steven Spielberg. As you can imagine, that wasn’t the help he was looking for.
The show had started and I have to say it was every bit as bad as we thought. These poor, unattractive girls were doing things that should not be done with those parts of themselves, including smoking cigarettes…..not kidding. The worst part was that they looked so completely bored while doing it.
One girl in particular, after hearing what a catch Shaun was, had beaten off the others and was making him her mission in life. He was pleading but all she could say was, “why you so mean and stingy?” He offered her money to go away and I offered her double to stay. You see, I hadn’t laughed in a while and this was doing the trick.
He was finally saved because it was her turn on the stage. She ceased rubbing herself all over Shaun, kissed him goodbye and went to work. Her special talent? Shooting blow darts out of her bits and popping balloons that were 20 feet away. In case you’re wondering, she had fantastic aim.
We beat a hasty retreat out of there and went for one more beer before retiring for the night.
On a side note, I have learned that Shaun is quite irresistible to women. Even the non-working girls hit on him and it happens everywhere we go. More proof of life’s inherent lack of fairness.
You are funny man
Posted by: Daphne Anthony | January 02, 2012 at 05:46 PM