This Christmas

As you all know, Shaun and I came to Nepal for a reason.  Not only do we want to honor Rebecca’s wishes but we want to honor her in the process.  With that in mind, we were more than a little nervous as the day started because we had only a very vague idea of how we wanted this to play out.

I awoke around 7:30 AM to find Shaun showered, dressed and ready to go so; I got up and got ready quickly.  After a light breakfast in the Club Lounge, (OK….we upgraded to “Club” because it came with free breakfast, free drinks and free WiFi but the breakfast buffet, while very nice, was limited to about a dozen items, none of which were eggs), we set off for the Boudha Stupa to seek out a helpful Monk and make arrangements. 

Upon entering the Stupa I immediately smelled the familiar smell of incense burning all around and heard the sound of chanting and was instantly struck with sadness.  We walked around in a daze for a while with tears streaming down both of our faces.  Then, for the first time since she passed away, I felt her.  It was as if she was all around me.  I could sense her spirit and my tears turned to tears of joy, if only briefly, because I knew in that moment that this was right.

We spent a long time there walking and talking about Rebecca and feeling her in the air.  We shopped in the little shops and I found a small antique container made from silver and wood that I knew was the perfect vessel to carry her in for whatever ceremony was to come.  It is beautiful.  Rebecca loved old boxes and containers and she would have adored this one.  I have decided that once it is again empty, I will give it to her mother, Christine, because I know that she will cherish it forever and it will hopefully make her feel connected to this place and the ceremony that I know she so much wanted to be here for.

My plan, if you could call it that, was to go to the temple and work it out. Unfortunately, the two temples in Boudha Stupa are no longer used as monasteries and are therefore not populated by many monks.  Just as I was about to get really worried, fate stepped in and lent a hand.

While waiting for our connecting flight from Delhi to Kathmandu, we met a guy from Key West who, believe it or not, was on his way to Nepal for the weekend.  Really…..not kidding….he flew all the way to Nepal for a weekend getaway.  Anyway, we were in the temple trying to find someone who spoke English to give us some guidance and ran into Mr. Key West, who was there with a local guide.  I explained to the guide what I was trying to do and asked if he could translate for me.  He explained that it couldn’t and shouldn’t happen there because such things, if it was for a person of any significance, should happen at Swyambhunath Temple.  He told us that arrangements could be made easily.

Swyambhunath Temple, known to Westerners as “The Monkey Temple” because of the hundreds of wild monkeys that live there, sits atop a hill overlooking all of Kathmandu and is considered an extremely holy place because one of its Stupas contains within it a part of the physical remains of The Buddha himself.  It dates back to the 5^th century is “the” place for this type of event.

We met our driver, Devi, at Noon and explained what we wanted to do.  Devi knew Rebecca briefly from our last trip here and was determined to make something good happen because, as is the case with everyone she met, she made quite an impression on him.  Being a Hindu himself, he felt he needed someone else from his company to make the actual request to the Lama, so we headed to his office in the Thamil area to pick up one of his guys who was fluent in English and Nepali but, more importantly, was a Buddhist.

We arrived at the temple and they immediately went to work.  They met with the Temple’s Lama and were able to do far more than I had hoped for.

Tomorrow morning, Christmas morning, at 7:00 AM, they will have 50 Lamas and many Monks assembled for the purpose of doing a complete funeral ceremony for Rebecca.  Directly beneath the remains of the Buddha himself, they will perform a 2 hour ritual during which they will say the prayers, the blessings and will chant the incantations to usher her along the long road.  I can’t help but think that she would love this and I am relieved and pleased that we will be able to have such a fitting tribute in this place she loved so much.

Once we had that set, we spent the next couple of hours walking around the Temple grounds and enjoying the perfect weather.  By the time we were done, we were spent, both physically and emotionally, so we decided to return to the hotel.

We sat outside on a terrace for a long while enjoying a beer and talking about the woman we both love so much.  I know now that there was simply nobody else I could have done this with because Shaun’s love for Rebecca is boundless.  I also noticed today that they are connected in some unseen and unknown way that I can’t fully understand.

While walking through the Boudha Stupa with Shaun, as I have done with Rebecca several times, I was amazed to see that he saw the place almost exactly as she had on our first visit there.  He stopped to take pictures at the same spots she had and was drawn to all the same things that she had been drawn to then.  It was uncanny.  It was as though her invisible hand was pointing out to him all the things she had loved in that place.  It’s clear that part of her lives on in him and I am eternally grateful to have him at my side now.  He is now and forever will be my brother.

By the time we had finished our drinks, (which we had to eventually take inside due to several thousand dive-bombing pigeons), it was time to think about dinner.  We had asked the Concierge to make us a reservation at a local restaurant called “”Krishnarpan”, which is renowned for being the best authentic Nepali food in Kathmandu.  Rebecca found the place and we enjoyed an amazing meal there with Corey and Patty on our last trip.  However, the Concierge informed us that they were closed for renovations so he suggested another place, which he claimed was the same theme.

We jumped in a cab and headed back to the Thamil area and found “The Garden of Dreams”.  We were a little confused when they made us buy tickets to enter but it was only $2.00 so we didn’t make much of it.  Once inside, we understood.  The Garden is actually a massive, beautiful garden with ponds, sculptures and all manner of prettiness.  The restaurant is located at the side and is not the sole or main attraction.

Now…..the Concierge may need to do some more homework because the menu had only one Nepali dish on it.  In fact, it was mostly German food.  This may surprise you but Nepal is not known for their German food so Shaun and I both ordered that one Nepali dish.  The good news is that it was very good.  Not Krishnarpan good, but good.

With full bellies and an early start ahead for what will certainly be an emotional day, we decided to call it a night.

I’ve made arrangements to shoot video of the ceremony tomorrow and will hopefully be able to share it with you all.  There is something very right about spending this Christmas the way we will be spending it and I am hoping that it brings peace to both Rebecca and me.

Please forgive the lack of pictures in this post.  I will add them tomorrow when I’ve had time to go through them.

Good night for now and Merry Christmas.

 

Comments

[Jane Snyder]

Dear Dade,

I was so deeply saddened to hear of Rebecca's passing and she has been in my thoughts every day since. I have been sitting with a Tibetan monk who teaches locally here in California and I explained that a friend of mine had passed away. I asked where she is now and he replied after a few moments of silent meditation -- "she is part of all of us now". Let this be as much of a comfort to you as it was for me. I do feel that every person she met she touched in an unforgettable way and that her energy is as strong and as present with the world as ever. I hope we meet someday as I would love to share my memories of her with you in person.

Much love and blessings on your journey,
Jane Snyder

[Patricia]

the ceremony sounds like a beautiful, perfect way to honor rebecca. you're in our thoughts and hearts, dade. merry christmas.

[Corey]

Rebecca dade and Shawn
We are with you
I feel it

[[email protected]]

I am thinking of you and know that Rebecca is with you in spirit. However, you have to let her go as she was a free spirit and would want you to do that. Keep strong.
Merry Christmas and find peace...
Walk good--Bobby

[Jules Garrison]

Sounds like things are falling into place just beautifully. We are thinking of you and praying for you every step of the way. Enjoy, grieve, love, live, heal, feel alive, be grateful, and receive hope. Merry Christmas Dade....lots of love from your sister....
xoxoxo
Jules

[Judy]

I am thinking of the three of you along your journey. Please, say a prayer from me to Rebecca as you set her free. Tell her I love her, miss her, and wish her all the best in the next chapter. I am so happy that even for just a moment you felt peace. I love you all, wish you more peace to come, and miss you dearly. xoxoxox

[Marguerite Wille]

Dade, I'm glad everything's working out so well for you. I'll be with you tomorrow in my heart. Love you,
Merry Christmas

[the smiths]

Crying tears of joy for you! You felt her! It must have felt like breathing again. We are SO happy to hear about the ceremony! Fitting indeed. Merry Christmas to you. Looking forward to your next post.

[lisa]

beautiful.