REBECCA'S SUNSET

Christmas Eve was a sleepless night for me.  I tried to sleep and even took the prescribed pills to help but I was too nervous and anxious for anything to work.  Meanwhile, Shaun’s borderline narcolepsy had him out cold early in the night.  By the time 6:00 AM rolled around, I had gotten maybe an hour and a half of shut-eye but, it was time to get up.

The tears had been flowing most of the night but they were really coming at that point.  After a quick shower, we went upstairs for a light breakfast, Shaun having his prerequisite olive and feta sandwich.   While sitting there weeping, we noticed the sun beginning to rise over the mountains.  I don’t know if it was the emotions, the fact that it was Christmas or perhaps nothing at all - but it was one of the most beautiful sunrises we had ever seen.  It seemed as though the sun was rushing to rise and start the day because it went from a tiny sliver of golden light to a full orange ball in five minutes. 

We met our driver in front of the hotel promptly at 7:00 AM and set off for Swyambhunath Temple.  The traffic was unusually light and we arrived to find the grounds very different from what they had been the previous day when making the arrangements.  The quiet added to the Holy aura of the place giving it a somber tone.  Of course, that could have just been the way I was feeling.

Now, I must stop here to say a few things about our escorts because they were simply fantastic.  They, like everyone else, had met Rebecca and had fallen in love with her.  They had decided from the start that they were going to do anything in their power to make this perfect and to provide comfort to Shaun and I.  They knew the traditions for these types of ceremonies and they took care of everything without burdening us with any of it.  Upon arriving at the temple, I was confused to see our drivers putting bags of oranges under their coats.  It turns out that the huge bags of fruits were offerings to the spirits and they were concealing them because they didn’t want the monkeys to steal Rebecca’s offering.  (Moments later, like an episode of “When Animals Attack,” a crazed monkey assaulted a woman and ripped the bag of food out of hands like a school yard bully.)

We made our way down to the Temple, which we had not been allowed to see the previous day.  This temple and monastery are sacred and, while the public is free to roam the grounds, they are not permitted into the actual temple, making the ceremony all the more special. 

The interior of Swyambhunath Temple was like every other Buddhist Temple I’ve been to.  There were the standard images of the Buddha, the drums, the gongs and several rows of low tables at which the Monks sit while chanting.  It was still very early and the sun had not yet crested the surrounding mountains so it was cold and a bit dark.

We were ushered in and made comfortable at the side of the room where we could watch and partake.  The room began to fill with Lamas and Monks as I set up our tripod for video.  Our escorts accepted the responsibility of shooting the film and Shaun and I sat in our place.  By this point we were both an inconsolable mess.

I learned the previous day that there are several sects of Buddhists, as there are in most religions.  But this particular sect is special because their temple holds original remains of the Lord Buddha. This temple is the equivalent of their Vatican and the leading Lama is their Dali Lama.  Although he has no political roll, like “the” Dali Lama did in Tibet, he is considered by those in that sect to have the same spiritual role and is to them as The Pope is to Catholics.  It was a tremendous honor that he chose to lead this ceremony for a non-Buddhist foreigner.  In fact, Rebecca’s ceremony was the first and only that he has ever presided over for someone outside the religion.

The room filled and almost without warning they began.

Immediately, the room echoed with voices.  The 50 or so holy men, ranging in age from 5 years old to 90, chanted in unison and engulfed us in their holy mantras.  They chanted a full, traditional Buddhist “mass” in Rebecca’s honor.

Once the mass was complete, they asked for her remains, which were placed before the Dali Lama.  While the attending Monks chanted the funeral mantras, the Dali Lama personally said the blessings over her urn.  They then asked for her picture and placed it next to the urn while chanting more mantras.  I was slightly embarrassed because the picture I had brought was her comp card from her modeling agency.  He looked at her photo and it wasn’t until he turned it over to look at the reverse side that I noticed the low cut, sexy top she was wearing in the picture.

From time to time they would ask Shaun and I to participate in the ceremony, which was both intimidating and wonderful.  During a certain chant, they had me sit in the main aisle facing the dais. Another time Shaun and I made offerings to each and every Monk.  (Again, I must mention Devi and his people because without them, this would have been a problem.  These offerings were cash.  When the time came, they handed a young Monk a stack of bills, which he then handed to us individually so that we could make the tributes.)  However, there was one part that we participated in that we could have lived without.

A young Monk made his way around the room while they chanted and poured everyone a cup of “tea”, which is part of the ceremony.  The Dali Lama motioned for us to drink as they were drinking, and we did.  Unfortunately, it was not tea at all.  It was hot melted Yak butter with salt.  And actually it wasn’t Yak butter, but Nak butter. Nak butter you ask? Nak is the female counterpart to the Yak, so Yak butter would have been an even more horrifying thought - which makes me wonder about the Yak cheese we’ve been eating each morning for breakfast… But I digress.   We were there to honor Rebecca and there was no way we were going to offend them but this stuff was not good.  In fact, it was pretty nasty……but we did as Master Lama told us to do.

Before the end, a senior Lama stood in the center of the room holding Rebecca’s picture and chanted her name into the ceremony.  Once that was done, it was over.

We lingered for a while collecting our thoughts and trying to pull ourselves together.  The Dali Lama saw us weeping and called us over.  He explained that the ashes should now be sprinkled in a holy river and offered to have it done should we wish to leave them with him.  We told him of our plan to sprinkle part of her into the river in Bangkok that Rebecca loved and he gave his blessing.  He then looked at me and said, “The time for sadness is now over.  All is set.  She is with God now and you must live.”  Other than Rebecca telling me that she loved me, nobody has ever spoken words to me that I wanted to or needed to hear that much.  It was an amazing comfort and I am grateful for his compassion.  He wrapped her urn in a silk scarf that he had blessed, handed it to us and bid us farewell.

As I thought about what he said, I was forced to think about what that really means when it comes from someone like him.  Buddhists believe that when a person dies, their spirit remains in the Earthly realm for four days, unaware that they have died.  After four days, they are escorted to the afterlife where they have two possible paths.  One path leads to a blinding white light.  The other leads back to Earth so that you can be reincarnated and live another life.  They believe that only the truly enlightened will embrace the light and choose that path…..the path that leads to Heaven.  I believe now that he was telling me that Rebecca had achieved that enlightenment, had gone into the light and was now sitting at God’s side.  I would not be surprised if that were the fact and I don’t think anyone who knew her well would think otherwise.

Before we continue, I must share something that I am not entirely sure even happened but was profound nonetheless.  During the ceremony I was certain that I heard a woman’s voice chanting along with the Monks.  It wasn’t a voice I recognized but it was without doubt the voice of a woman.  The voice was harmonizing in a different key than the monks.  I found myself looking around the room to see if I could locate the source of the voice, but it seemed to be coming from nowhere and there were only men in the room.  I decided not to mention it to anyone because I was sure I had imagined it but, as we walked to the car, Shaun turned to me and said he had heard a woman’s voice chanting along with the monks.  It was a truly incredible experience, one that both of us shared and will forever cherish.  Make of it what you will.

We pulled ourselves together and set off for our next destination, Bhaktapur.  You may recall this place from our last trip here because we wrote at length about it.  It is an ancient, walled city about 45 minutes outside of Kathmandu.  Rebecca had found it in her research for that trip and fell in love with it once we got there.

It was a magnificent day and the city was filled with people.  We located Cafe De Traditional Restaurant, the same little café that Rebecca and I had enjoyed so much on our last visit, climbed the stairs to the roof and sat down at the same table as we had then.  We ordered some light food, a few beers and ran into Mr. Key West again, which is a whole other conversation.  After finishing, we spent a few hours walking the streets and taking in the unique environment.  I pointed out all the places we had shopped and the places she was drawn to.  Again, I was struck by how alike she and Shaun really are.  He automatically gravitated to all of the same places she had.  The invisible hand was at work again and I again felt connected to her through him.

By now it was well into the afternoon and we still had one more very important place to go so we found the car and set off for the hour long ride up the mountain on the road of almost certain death.

Nagarkot sits atop a mountain at an elevation of about 7500 feet.  The only way to the top is a treacherous drive along a winding, narrow, barely paved road completely devoid of guard rails.  At many points, there are sharp blind curves and there is almost always a bus or truck coming in the other direction, forcing you to flirt with the edge and the potential sheer drop.  However, this was the place that Rebecca called the most beautiful sight she had ever seen and we were on a mission to deliver her there.

We arrived about an hour or so before sunset to find it almost empty.  Other than a family from Bangladesh, we had the place to ourselves.  We set up the camera gear and then sat in Rebecca’s spot staring out over the rugged snow-capped peaks of the Himalayas.  Shaun grabbed a couple of beers from the adjacent bar because he knew that Rebecca would have had one in her hand were she able to.

We had stopped at the hotel before going to Bhaktapur to drop off the urn that had been used for the ceremony and had now been promised to the river and exchanged it for the box containing the remainder of her that we had brought with us.  We placed the box in her spot next to the open beer and spent the next hour sharing our love for her and letting our emotions do as they wished.  We spoke out loud to her and told her how very much we loved her.  We said the things that were in our hearts because we were sure she could hear us from that place.  By this time, Taranath, our escort, was also weeping and sharing our grief.  It was cold and getting colder but we sat there with Rebecca and took in the view that had touched her so deeply.  Unless you’ve been there, there is no way to properly explain the incredible beauty in that place.  However, once there, it is undeniable.  For Rebecca, it was Heaven on Earth - a place that allowed her to be close to something that spoke to her spirit.

When the sun was almost down, coloring the snow caps in a pink hue, we said the prayers we had come to say.  We delivered the messages given to us by those who couldn’t be there and then we poured the beer out and cast her ashes to the wind.

There was never a doubt that a big part of her spirit lived in those mountains and, as promised, we have delivered part of her physical self there to forever be part of them.

After surviving the death road again, the ride back to the hotel was spent mostly in quiet reflection.  After all, what was left to say?  We made a few phone calls, had some food and went to bed.

NOTE TO THE READERS:  While this is written the first person, both Shaun and I have contributed to these accounts.  Again, I apologize for the shortage of pictures but we are just too exhausted to get that done at the moment.  There are plenty of beautiful images and we promise to get more up soon.  Also, we took video of everything and that is now in Buster’s capable hands for editing and uploading so, hopefully, it will be available for you all soon.

Again, we owe a debt to Devi Pandy, Taranath, and the entire staff at Adventure International Treks.  They have been incredible and this would not have happened without them.  Devi had met Rebecca on our last trip here and, like everyone she came in contact with, was touched by her.  I wrote to him today to thank him and to ask what I owed him for everything.  I will leave you with his response.

“Dear Dade,

Thank you very much for your all feedback and gave us time to sharing your grief with us. We are always with you ! I knew that we all are now in painful absence of Rebecca.

 Dade! I should not charged you any money in this heart full condition !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Once again

 Rebecca was the light from the heavens for the entire firm we pray to our heavenly priest she reach the mighty blue heavens that she becomes an Angel. We pray that she watch over us. We pray that her soul rest at peace. We shall miss her forever. . I pray that the lord give you enough strength.

 Thank you very much. I will see you later.

 Sincerely Yours

Devi Pandey”

 

Comments

[Debbie Tolbert]

Dade, You have honoured Rebecca's life beautifully, this blog should be mde into a book. You could donate the proceeds to the charities Rebecca cared about so deeply. I come back to read about your travels often as they take me places I can only dream of going. Rebecca's dad is my cousin and she will be dearly missed by all that have known her.

[Daphne Anthony]

I laughed and I cried.

[marci duarte]

Dade, Once again im glued to every word you write.. I hope this enables you to make the next step..Im here for you and will see you once we have all returned from our holiday travels..big kiss to you..xxxmarci

[Meeyoung]

I am so happy to hear that this journey has begun beautifully and I will be thinking of you both. MYL

[Patricia]

sounds like a full, beautiful day that must have been exhausting in every way. glad you got to share a last beer with rebecca and shaun, lingering at her favorite spot. we're thinking about you.

[mark]

hey man - i'm thinking about you all the way. it has to be the most in-describable experience. i just cant rationalize this. i am only left with the simple ability to tell you that i love you (and shaun) and that you are in my thoughts constantly.

[Melanie]

Hi Dade:
I am a fellow wedding industry entrepreneur and Rebecca and I had corresponded by email a few times. I also followed her blog and had a great amount of respect for the work that you both did abroad and the many lives that you changed through your philanthropy. I am also a world traveller with a passion for women's issues.
Rebecca's passing has deeply affected me and has made me really start to think about what I can do to help others and I hope to be able to accomplish half of what she did in her life.
My thoughts are with you on this difficult journey and I hope that you will feel some healing and some relief after setting her free in Asia. Safe travels.

[Jane Snyder]

This is beautiful Dade. I know that Rebecca was there with you and that her light will always guide you. You both are wonderful writers and I have spent hours reading your blog posts. I hope you can keep this site open as I would love to read again and again.

Please let me know if you come to the SF Bay area as I would love to take you to tea and share my memories of Rebecca.

Blessings on a safe return.

Jane

[[email protected]]

So beautiful and moving.....